Celibacy, healing and fighting off the feeling

celibacy
/ˈsɛlɪbəsi/
noun
  1. the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.

Let me start by saying, this was not an easy or overnight decision. I always feel like I’ve had an extremely high sex drive and my vagina has a whole different mind of it’s own but this was one of the reasons why I knew it was time to take control.

You may wonder why, but the reality is simple. Our actions as mothers have huge affects on our children. What we don’t heal will also one day hurt them.

Celibacy for me is my healing, it’s my way of taking back my power. It’s my way of saying, “ I deserve more from a relationship than lustful desires that are empty and expire”. It’s me deciding to be on reserve for something amazing and using the time to heal.

Let me keep it real, my kitty hasn’t stopped growling just because I ain’t prowling.

Just because you want to abstain from sex, doesn’t mean your hormones will stop wanting it. I can’t even watch sex scenes in case I end up dialling 432-call-an-ex-when-in-need-743. The struggle is real.

But it’s also empowering, having that control of your mind is wonderful.

I’ve thought a lot about when would be the right time to consider dating and concluded that it’s not something I wish to even think about for another 3-5 years. I kid you not. I have been hurt deeply, emotionally I am an absolute jigsaw puzzle gone wrong and jumping into the sack with another man won’t change that. I am not another mans responsibility, I am my own.

As a girl mum, I want to set the example of being responsible for every aspect of our being. I know that, everything I wish to achieve and heal within my life will take time, it’s my responsibility to do that first, for me and my daughter.

To curb the urge for a good dick down, fight the feelings and remember, I need to be in love with me and my life to truly love another.

This isn’t all healing and happy faces, I often have a passing penis thought and have to be like, no, no, no, Keysha behave!

I remember that sex is not the end all and be all, it’s just the fantastic middle. Nevertheless, we can survive without it and liberate on reclaiming our best self.

Would I recommend it? Probably not. Who wants to be told they can’t have their pipes released every now and then… but would I suggest you consider how much your healing should take precedence? ABSOLUTELY!

I know in a matter of a few years, my value as a woman will be so high that I stop being controlled by my hurt and I’m able to form a family for myself and my daughter that is right and I will be the right woman for the right man.

I am a horny but liberated queen on a journey of self-healing, happiness and success… for that, I am excited and thankful.

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